The Office: A Thousand Tears of Love

So many of our Shepherds College family and friends were praying for Cathy Harvey, our Administrative Assistant, and her family after her daughter was killed last month. Here is her story of gratitude, faith and healing in the aftermath.

Last month on May 15th, thanks to the Shepherds College blog editor, I penned “The Office: Ready or Not.”  That blog told of a personal tragedy that appeared on our doorstep May 2^nd when a coroner and a deputy sheriff arrived at our home to say our 34-year-old daughter and single mom of two had been hit by a car and killed that afternoon.  It ended with a note that I hoped the editor would allow me one more personal piece, “A Thousand Tears of Love,” to share the many beautiful ways people expressed their love and concern to us through this valley. This is that record.

The day after we were told Anna died, I had one simple fleeting thought as far as what would encourage my heart at that time.  It crossed my mind ever so briefly, just a blip on the screen that lasted a split second.  Three words my heart whispered to God, "I want cards."  It sounded selfish to me to think it in the form of “I want…”, as I try to teach our granddaughters to say, “May I please have…?” but my mind was a swirl of questions and all that formulated in the confusion of what to do next were those three words.  They popped up to the surface, like bubbles from someone drowning underwater reaching for help in one final gasp for breath, “I … want … cards …” What my heart meant was a request to my Heavenly Father, “for all the hundreds of cards I have made for others, it would be a blessing to receive some cards back at this time. . . is that possible?” 

And so He did.  Cards filled our mailbox, a thousand cards, or so it felt.  I have a small mountain of them piled 9 inches high (I measured) in a basket and overflowing the edges.  I read every single one of them with care:  first scanning the front and peeking inside to see who sent it, turning it over to study the back details - what company produced it (Hallmark wins), where the paper came from, the bar code, the price (oh my goodness, they spent THAT MUCH on a card!); then to the inside: the message, the handwritten notes, the names.  I studied the design and the size, the envelope, the stamp--everything.  The entire card and everything about it ministered to me.  After I finished looking at it and studying it, I read the whole thing again.  And if that weren't enough—which it was—as God would be God, He added more!  Check after check of gift money dropped out of the cards as we opened them to help us through all the expenses now and in the future for the girls and their college fund.  It was so like God, and so overwhelmingly sweet of so many people.  Even strangers who saw the accident or read of it, contributed and wrote the most touching notes on the Memorial website, GiveForward.

If you are one of the hundreds who sent a card or an anonymous donor on the GiveForward web site—THANK YOU!  Your choice of words, and if it was electronic, the soothing gentle music you chose to go with it, has been part of our healing, especially mine, for the avenue of cards is certainly a large part of my life as an artist. Oftentimes, I hit “repeat” and play the music over and over from the online cards.

Now, as modern day “Infomercials” announce, “But WAIT, THAT’s NOT ALL!” Oh no, God was not content to fill my heart with a basket of cards, love poured in and washed over us and the girls in the form of gifts also. Like rays of sunshine streaming out from behind the clouds in dazzling splendor, gifts poured in of such extraordinary thought and generosity, especially to the girls, that it brought tears to our eyes as the gifts lifted their spirits.  I am sure the gifts accomplished all and more than the givers intended.  It was tangible love reaching out to us and saying, “We love you, we are so sorry at what has happened, we are thinking of you, and we want to help.” Again we say, “THANK YOU!” Here are just three examples of how people demonstrated their love and hugs as they cried with us, not to mention all the beautiful fresh flower arrangements which filled the house with color and perfume for a full two weeks or more after the funeral.

• A tree! Yes, a magnolia tree with its sturdy, waxy, forest green leaves and hint of blooms, arrived in a box at our door, shipped from Florida! How cool is that? It was about two feet tall, potted, and now soaks up the sun on our front porch until we decide where to plant it.

•  Back stage passes to meet the Chicago Sky women’s professional basketball team—and more!  After church on Sunday, June 9^th, we hustled out to Allstate Arena in Rosemont, Illinois for a Girl Scout health fair event.  It was four hours of fun and healthy interactive stations for the girls, including basketball tips and practice on the Chicago Sky court with the team’s helpers.  It culminated afterwards in watching a WNBA pro game of Chicago vs. San Antonia, Texas.  It was, quite frankly, the most fun I’ve ever had and here is why.

 First of all, Stephen and I felt like we were on our honeymoon as we sat in the stands relaxing while both girls moved around stadium rooms for the health fair.  We had no agenda, no To-Do list, nothing but us and time to enjoy and unwind.  We joined the girls for the self-defense course, but primarily used the time to be together in the stadium (which was so very clean) and connect as we watched media enter and behind-the-scenes personnel prepare the court and backboards for the game.  We were treated like royalty by the team’s community service representative (thank you, Erika!), and it was SO MUCH fun! The girls were made “co-captains” for the game, for which they received special t-shirts and mini basketballs which the team signed for them afterwards.  They were led out to center court at the start of the game where a couple of members from the Chicago and Texas teams autographed the balls for them. After being floor side for awhile, they were escorted back to the stand where we all enjoyed dinner in while watching the game.  The Chicago Sky band, local dance troupes, and amazing gymnasts who trampolined and flipped head over heels to dunk the ball were part of the quarter time entertainment. We cheered and clapped and used our OUTDOOR  VOICES to “Make Some Noise” in support of the team.  It was the best stress buster ever!! 

Ten minutes before the game ended, we put on VIP passes and were escorted to ring side tables.  After the game ended, which they won with two nail-biting seconds in overtime to go, we were led to the team locker room amidst reporters where the players loved on the girls and made them feel so special.  The players were wrapped in bulky ice packs for injuries, but spent lots of one-on-one time with both girls, teasing them and making them smile and giggle.  It was a Kodak moment for Stephen and me as we stood in the background and watched this touching scene unfold.  Kyara, our 10-year old, was proud of the fact that she was only six inches shorter than the shortest player, but their two tallest players were 6 foot-6 inches tall!  Shoshana, seven years old, looked so tiny when they picked her up.  I had to step out of the room for a few minutes to compose myself as it was more love and care than my heart could hold - tears are rolling down my face even as I type of this memory. The team had signed cards for both girls with loving notes. Erika took our picture with the team using my cell phone. Even the drive home was a bed of relaxation. Since we left so much later than everyone else, there was barely any traffic—in Chicago, on the interstate!  I took the wheel so Stephen could sleep (he had night shift to tend to). He reclined his seat and we put on one of his favorite praise and worship CDs, turned on the air conditioning, set the car to cruise control, and sailed home on what seemed like a heavenly highway. It was a perfect day. Shoshana said the only bad thing about it was when one of the players picked her up, her leg was resting on the ice pack wrapped around the player’s thigh, and it was COLD! 

“But WAIT—THERE’S MORE!”  Erika called the next day and left a message that she had more exciting news. We could not imagine what more could be added to this spectacular event.  When I called her back, Erika explained that the players were so drawn to the girls and so touched by their situation, several of them who had also lost parents when they were little decided they would also like to take the girls shopping!  Someone had done that for them after their parent had passed away, and it had cheered them up.  That date is not yet set, but I’m sure the girls will LOVE IT.  The girls have tickets for an August game with their dad, and they will be designated ball girls for that!  I never followed basketball before, but I am a Chicago Sky fan now. Who would have thought God could use a basketball team to help heal a family?  Isn’t He incredible?!

One more amazing gift of love--

• June 12^th, Mother’s Day morning, we had an experience we shall not forget. It was ten days since Anna had passed away and only four days after the funeral. Stephen had awakened first, and when I scuffled into the kitchen he told me to look out the front door. What I saw was more than a gift. We were so grateful and so deeply touched that both Stephen and I got tears in our eyes when we saw such a generous tribute of pure love poured out on our front porch.  We wanted the surprise to unfold for Shoshana like it had for us, so we did not say anything when she woke up.  (Kyara was at a sleepover getting her hair done the previous night, so she saw it all after church that day). 

When Shoshana woke up, she was a bit sad and tired and curled up in her Poppa's lap on the stairs leading down toward our front door.  We mentioned what a beautiful morning it was and suggested she open the front door to let some sunshine in.  She shook her head no.  She was too sad and sleepy to unwrap herself from her Poppa’s lap, so I slipped past them and opened the front door.  Oh, I wish you could have seen her face light up as she caught sight of blue mylar balloons shaped like daisies bobbing in the morning breeze!  It cheered her heart immediately and she scrambled out of her Poppa’s lap to take it all in.  The photos I took do not capture the effect of sunlight streaming in inch-by-inch as the door opened revealing a front porch full of balloons and baskets of gifts and toys. 

  

It was like that Shirley Temple movie, where she is banished to the attic of the orphanage.  She and her poor roommate waken to find someone had transformed the cold, dreary attic into a warm and palatial banquet room for them, and they thought they must be dreaming!  That is what it felt like for us.  Shoshie thought it was pretty cool that she could hardly squeeze out the front door because it was blocked by gifts!  Steve went through the garage and around to the front door so he could shift the baskets enough for Shoshie to push her way out. She looked adorable in satiny polka-dot pj's standing barefooted taking it all in. 

 



We could not believe the perfect choices for the girls and wondered who thought of it all and who had made the purchases--such a labor of love!  There were baskets and cloth bins filled with coloring books, crafts, journals, jewelry boxes, science projects, markers, soft teddy bears, and everything little girls love. 
   







A BLUE orchid nestled in the middle of the baskets was absolutely S T U N N I N G. I had never seen a blue one and am carefully tending to it in a good filtered sunny spot on our dining table. 

It just made us speechless really.  Who orchestrated it all? What time did they leave it on the porch? We wondered in awe.  It cheers my heart remembering how Shoshie's sadness melted into a smile that morning and the way her face lit up.  It was another Kodak moment we'll hold in our hearts, so we thank everyone who contributed so generously to make that happen.

We went on to have a happy and lovely Mother’s Day, and it was in part because of the magical way it started when we opened the front door.

I hope you get a sense of the enormous way in which we have been loved and encouraged.  These are only a few examples of God’s miraculous stories that have touched our lives.

Looking back at other difficult situations we have come through in the past 37 years, some even more difficult than all this, we see how God worked everything out.  Based on our history with God, and on God Himself, we know He will do the same again, and again, and again, as many times as we need it in this life.

What lovely cards, so gentle, tender, and calming.  Thank you for choosing them. They touched my heart and helped dispel some of the sadness I had been walking around in.  Thank you for your prayers. We feel encouraged and can see the light at the end of the tunnel, assured the Lord is most certainly going to watch over the girls no matter where they are. We are at peace, and even happy, for Anna.  She had such a difficult life trying to fit in and make ends meet to support her girls, but not anymore.  Now she is full blown happy, accepted, and rejoicing, basking in the full breadth and depth of God's love for her--we are happy for her! We met with the driver who hit Anna and his parents.  He wrote such a humble and compassionate apology to the girls and to us.  We accepted his apology and forgave him, hoping he can go on and forgive himself.  It was a meeting saturated with the grace and love of God.  Our healing is finding closure on many levels.

Thank you for all you have done which has touched us, and which will continue to heal us with such loving kindness.  The love of God from friends, family, and strangers has surely kept us going.  We've been able to move forward on wings of others' love and prayers until we are again strong enough to muster our own strength to keep on.  We're getting there. . .  A summer of simple routines, much solitude, and tending thank you notes—as well as some fun with the girls—are creating the respite we need.  The thousand tears of love shed, cards sent, prayers spoken, money raised, and gifts offered have been our manna keeping us alive and moving forward in a sad and difficult time.  Please know that you have helped us in eternal ways and we cannot thank you enough. . .

Our spirits have been lifted and we are able to press on because of the strength God’s Word offers in quiet moments . . . and because of you.   Please accept this note as our personal thank you to you.

In the power of Jesus’ name,

Steve & Cathy Harvey and girls

 



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