Resolving Conflict the Shepherds Way

If you put two people in a room, any two people in the world, eventually there is going to be conflict over something – a difference of opinion, an accidental kick under the table, poor manners, a thoughtless remark, a perceived slight, a bored yawn, cultural differences, you name it.  Something will trigger a strain between two people that can escalate into fighting and a break in the relationship if left unresolved.

You’ll see why I work behind a desk and am not out pursuing a degree in psychology when I confess this next part – I don’t know how to resolve conflict. I practice Conflict Avoidance.  When a person hurts or offends me, I plaster a strained smile on my face and blast them with a mind rant. My mind rants are filled with wonderfully witty sarcasm, put-downs that would have Optimus Prime cowering in humiliation in front of me, and scathing comebacks that somehow always manage to be the perfect verbal weapon… unless I actually try to say them out loud. Then they just sound silly. 

Following the frustrating and ineffective mind rant, I then avoid the offending person for the rest of my life. It works – to avoid conflict, wreck relationships and give me a tension headache.

The Shepherds College staff practice and teach a much more effective strategy.  It obviously works because the teachers all get along really well.

Let me show you what the Shepherds College conflict resolution strategy looks like.

1.       Tell the person what they did that you didn’t like.

2.       Tell the person how you feel about what they did.

3.       Tell the person what you would like them to do instead.

4.       Ask for an agreement.

This end of the conversation may sound something like this, “It bothers me when you make fun of me. It makes me feel hurt and sad. I would like it if you would only say things that are nice. Do you agree?”

Conflict Resolution is covered in Personal Development 1 class which is taught by Mrs. Kolkman.  Students start this unit by identifying emotions and naming them. They spend time learning expected and unexpected ways to express these emotions and then putting together a photo collage of what they’ve learned. Anger, in particular, is covered in this section.

Next, it’s important for the students to see that they have similarities and differences with others. Students do an activity where they see the differences and similarities by going to one side of the room or the other based on their answer to a question.  The question might be, “Do you prefer to be alone or with other people?” Or, “Are you from Wisconsin or from outside of Wisconsin?” Sometimes these similarities and differences can cause conflict, so this is when Mrs. Kolkman will introduce Conflict Resolution.

In order to understand conflict resolution, students role play to demonstrate positive and negative ways of handling conflict. In the end, students create their own scenarios to show realistic conflicts and expected ways of addressing them.

Sean and Katy role playing

What’s cool about the Shepherds College program is that the students don’t just go home at the end of the day and forget what they’ve learned. They are living on campus with people who are relatively unfamiliar to them and dealing with situations they normally would not encounter at home.  There are going to be situations where conflict is inevitable and where opportunities are rife for the students’ lessons to be practiced and reinforced. 

No mind rants, no avoidance, no prolonged tension – just strong communication skills and healthier relationships when you resolve conflict the Shepherds way.

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.” Matthew 5:9

Shepherds College - Guiding Your Transition to Appropriate Independence. Please visit us at www.shepherdscollege.edu.