Thank you to Shelly Kumfer for writing today's blog.
From
the desk of a grateful heart:
November
27, 2012 was the anniversary of my salvation day. I was thirty five years old when I fell on my
knees and committed my life to God through Jesus Christ. I came to salvation because of my desperate
need for help with Charles, my only son.
I received salvation as a result of God’s grace upon me following the
dark, lonely journey that lasted two and a half years of my life - the testing
and diagnosis process of Charles and his ultimate diagnosis of autism. It was on this day in 1997 when I was told
after all the neurological tests and parenting interventions I humbly sat
through, and what seemed like endless psychological tests and language therapy
sessions on Charles, that someone had the courage to offer a diagnosis to us. Believe
it or not, after all that we’d been through, it came as such a relief, a direction
to go in, a path to take. I invited God
on the journey on that day and it’s been an incredible one, a journey I
wouldn’t trade for anything now. I have
learned so much and continue to learn through my child. He was never really my child, but a child of
God’s. I happen to have the privilege of being his mom.
One
great benefit from all I went through is that I learned through parenting
classes that any unacceptable behavior was unacceptable. I used that as a gauge for my parenting
boundaries. If Charles misbehaved, there
were consequences. I really trusted the
1,2,3 Magic method of behavior modification and it paid off. To this day people tell me how polite and
well mannered Charles is to be around.
Of course, as his parent, I have questioned “are we talking about the
same kid?” I do believe it now as
evidenced by what I personally experienced this past Thanksgiving weekend at
Shepherds College to be true. Charles
was nice to his Mom!
Back
to the story…
Up
until I was born again, I was left to wonder what I must’ve done to cause
this. It had to be something in my past
that caused Charles to have this “problem”.
Quite possibly it was my parenting (or lack of) that was causing these
issues to appear in Charles. I can
recall feeling so down and insecure about my parenting skills even though I had
done everything “by the book”… every book that is except the Bible. I was so convinced that surely there was
something I had done to cause his delays and deficiencies. It had to be what I did in my life that
caused Charles to have these issues, and surely I must be able to correct his
issues myself if I just do something “more”.
For example, get him in more activities, host more play groups, give him
more social opportunities, expose him to more culture. Believe me, if there was something I could
think of to help my kid, I tried it. I can
recall the TV program Murphy Brown.
Well, I am not a TV person and I doubt I’ve seen more than one full episode
of that show, but I’ve been told I was a real life Murphy Brown. I worked as a business professional from home,
and I had Nanny’s hang out with Charles while I worked full time. I would do all kinds of arranging of
activities for him, and everything was always amazing and way over the
top. You see, I felt Charles was my gift
from the start and I wanted to treat him as such. I was so thrilled to finally have my own
child. He was wanted more dearly to me
than I can possibly tell you and from the moment I knew I was pregnant, I
delighted in the hope of my child being healthy and cute. Charles is all that! He was beautiful and healthy, a true Gerber
baby, even today, just bigger. Always
beautiful and sweet. My dreams for
Charles were huge. I wanted him to
attend private schools and thought Cranbrook in Michigan would be a wonderful
place for him to thrive. I thought about
all the wonderful things he would do and achieve with the right opportunities
in life and all that I would do for him to achieve his best. I had it all mapped out.
My
dreams, my plans were dashed. You see,
these were all my plans not God’s plan.
Charles
was born in Manchester, New Hampshire and we lived a very happy normal life for
the most part except for his forever absent biological Dad. That’s an entire story in itself, but suffice
to say that I had full responsibility of Charles from the moment he was born –
he was all mine to care for, make decisions about, and love pretty much on my
own. We moved to Michigan in 1995 to be
near family, which was wonderful for me as I was born in Detroit and my family
was in the area. My oldest sister was my
best friend and lived nearby. She was always a constant help and encourager to
Charles and me until her passing in 2000.
I am one of nine children, and there is no other person within our
family that has any “special needs”. Most of them rejected us which was evidenced
in so many ways, but most of all by the lack of effort shown by them to engage,
to invite Charles over to their homes despite the countless occasions we had
“cousin overnights” at our house. It was
my impression that they really didn’t know how or want to have much to do with
someone who was different. Charles had
many quirky habits like eating ketchup on everything except fruit, and he ate
the same things all the time, and loved movies and video games. I am not really sure of how they felt, but I
think Charles was more than they could handle. I often heard them say “it’s all
the ketchup he eats or he plays too many video games”. It was pretty hard not to believe that it
wasn’t me that caused Charles’ problems. Needless to say with a large family, I
had at minimum a dozen opinions at that early stage of Charles’ diagnosis - all
of which I am sure were well meaning, but didn’t really help much. I have found that people are willing to offer
opinions, but never really willing or able to act on them. I felt alone in my journey, but looking back I
can see God’s hand in all of it.
I
had no reference back then to autism because it wasn’t as widely diagnosed and
therefore whatever information I could gather was of my own research and
attending Seminars, etc. There have been
key people I believe The Lord placed in our path that were directly God sent. This
early research took place in the late 90’s, long before the internet is what it
is today for information access. I did
my best to educate myself on the subject of autism so that I could assist
others in their understanding, not of autism but of Charles. I really wasn’t interested in becoming an
expert in autism. I just wanted to reach
my kid. When I committed my life to God
on that day we received the diagnosis, I believe it brought me direction. A framework in which to begin a new
journey. Quite frankly, a relief to the
darkness of the unknown. What I can see
now is that direction was straight into the arms of God. The plan of salvation
is better than any I could’ve dreamed up. I got on my knees that evening, humbled myself
and said “God, I need your help. Please
forgive me for all that I’ve done (He knew it all. He was right there with me
while I was yet a sinner). Help me with
my child, I’ll do anything for you, just please help me with my child.” I’ve never prayed a more sincere prayer, I
don’t think. That was the beginning of
the real journey of my life. My life
with Christ. A redemption story. When all seemed lost - my dreams, my hope, my
joy - God proved Himself faithful to His
word. He has cleansed me (still a work
in progress) of all unrighteousness, has made beauty from ashes and has shown
me that the only true hope and dreams are found strictly in Him. That my sin wasn’t the reason why Charles is
the way he is, it’s because God wanted to use Charles to bring Himself
Glory. It was such a burden lifted to
have that realization. God gets all the Glory. He has revealed His faithfulness toward me
through Charles and my experiences as a believer. He is constant in His love toward us and has consistently
shown me that His plan is for our good, to prosper us and not harm us, to give
us a hope and a future. I have come to
believe that plan and future has included Charles and myself before time
began. That he was fearfully and wonderfully
made in my womb and what the devil meant for evil, God turned it around for
good. I am so grateful and blown away
that He is mindful of me, of Charles. His outstretched arm is over us and His
banner is love.
We
live in northern Michigan and I married a wonderful Godly man in 2005 who has
been a Dad to Charles and a husband to me.
I like to say (most reverently) that God is my cupcake, and Bruce (my
husband) is the sprinkles. He’s been so
wonderfully supportive and loving to us both.
He is a RN by profession and has been a great resource to me and a
particularly Godly influence on Charles. I believe Bruce loves us with his
life.
I
have often thought that people like Charles are extra special to God. It seems to me Charles and those like him are
included in the ones the Lord said “let the little children come unto to me and
do not hinder them”. I believe that God
uses Charles and people like him to test hearts. I have witnessed this over and over again how
people respond to those that are “different”.
I have felt that way when I meet people at Shepherd’s. My responses are very thoughtful because each
person at Shepherd’s is an amazing gift.
I am blown away at the students I’ve met there. God’s plan for our children is a good plan as
evidenced by what I witnessed at Shepherd’s College this past weekend during
the 2012 Thanksgiving break. I have such
hope today through the fruit of joy, peace and goodness Charles demonstrated toward
his family while visiting him. I am
amazed he knows harder scripture verses than I do, he’s lost 30 pounds, (I’d
like to go on the Shepherd’s diet, please) and his overall demeanor is
magnificent! I cried tears of joy for the entire eight hour
journey home.
Obviously,
God is using Charles to impact my life. God has used him to bring me to
Salvation and continues to strengthen and reassure me that we can do all things
through Christ who strengthens us and that with God all things are
possible. I have come to know that we
walk by faith not by sight and it’s okay to trust The Shepherd as He is The Good
Shepherd. I had no idea that Shepherd’s College
would be used to blow my doors off with Charles. Letting go of my gift and trusting God and
Shepherd’s College with him was a huge test of my faith. God gave him to me 20 years ago, and I believed
I was doing the right thing by walking in faith and trusting God would keep him
safe so far away. The time had come for
me to let my baby bird fly and it was time to let God allow him to rise up on
wings like eagles and soar. The decision
through much prayer and wise counsel was to send Charles to Shepherd’s
College. Charles did not want to go away
from home. I had peace about it or it
never would’ve happened. But, God has begun
a good work and I am so hopeful He will see it through to completion for
Charles at Shepherd’s College. 1st
Semester appears to be a big praise to God academically and, ever so
importantly for a person with autism, socially he’s making progress. Yeah, God!! Yeah, Charles! Yeah, Shepherd’s!
I
can’t describe fully the incredible transformation that God is doing in Charles
during his first four months at Shepherd’s.
Charles left home a somewhat depressed, sad kid with little confidence
that he could do anything. A gloomy
cloud in his spirit and full of doubt as so many young people are today. I am so pleased with the safe environment for
growth at Shepherd’s. I witnessed the fruit in my kid this past weekend. Charles told me at Thanksgiving dinner that
he’s happier now than when he left home.
It melted my heart to hear such tender joy and assurance from my
son. He told me that he is glad we made
the tough decision to send him to Shepherd’s College. It’s all I needed to hear. To know I had chosen well. I chose well when I heard God call me those
15 years ago now. I marvel at the
journey of my life and feel grateful that I’ve been given such hope for my son. My heart is blessed with joy that my child is
happy and thriving.
I
hope that each parent, loved one and family member will experience the same joy
I felt when I heard my child say he is happy.
I hope that each of us will savor our dear Savior’s birth with a twinkling
of hope and wonder of how great God really is!
That when our children arrive home for Christmas break, we can love them
the way God loves us, graciously and gladly. There’s no greater feeling - hope.
I am overwhelmed with gratitude for what God is already doing in
Charles. Halleluiah, highest praise to God.
Glory in the Highest for His faithfulness toward those that love and
trust Him. He is good. I could go on and on.
Thank
you Shepherd’s College for the hope that you’ve provided this grateful
mom. I am expecting His best for
Charles! You’ve been an instrument to
deliver huge blessings to me and most of all to Charles. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Shelly Kumfer
Shepherds College - Guiding Your Transition to Appropriate Independence. Please visit us at
www.shepherdscollege.edu.
